Today I came across this article on Shine, which referenced a book written by author Carl Weisman called, “Serious Doubts: Why People Marry When They Know It Won’t Last.” He surveyed more than 1000 people, and found that many couples still decide to get married even when they already have feelings of doom surrounding their relationship. The article outlined these top 11 reasons why people still decide to marry despite having major doubts.
1. Did not want to be single anymore
2. Thought my partner was the best I could do
3. Thought I could change some aspect of my partner
4. Felt family pressure
5. For financial reasons
6. There was an unplanned pregnancy
7. To escape my family
8. Figured I could make it work
9. Partner pressured me
10. Wanted to have children
11. It seemed like the next logical step
I admit it. I had a failed first marriage. It lasted 11 years, a little more than half of them were good. I also admit that before the marriage I had a few of the thoughts that are on this list. It was my first ever serious relationship, and I was literally four days fresh out of college. Marriage did seem like the next logical step (but so was trying to find my first real job and a non-student apartment), and I did feel a little pressure from my partner to take this next step. I was as green as they come.
Inner voice, cold feet, nagging doubt. Whatever you want to call them, our gut feelings are strong, and often correct. Make sure to give yourself enough quiet space to explore them.